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My greatest weakness.. My inability to show emotions when it most matters.

Through my years I have learned to build a wall around the things that hurt the most.

I feel it.. I feel it block all sadness.

I can cry very randomly.. For example when Im alone, when I fail a test, or in front of my mom.

But when it comes to me telling someone something that hurts, I cant show it.

I end up giggling or speaking like im telling the best news ever.

When in fact two seconds before I had been crying my eyes out.

I don't remember when I became this way but I did.

I don't like it and I don't know how to move past it.

I have the hardest time getting close to people too.

I have the hardest times telling people that I love them, the people that I really love.

Maybe its because I know pain..

But the truth is I am so blessed.

I see my Heavenly Fathers love in so many things. 

Mckenzie getting her visa.

Syd and I getting to go to BYU.

SO many ways.

I want to help so many people less fortunate then me.

The kids who cant get prosthetic limbs.

The kids who live on the streets.

The ones who are incapable of taking care of themselves.

I want to make a difference.

I want to be a drop of water that fills up a pool of joy.

Maybe thats why God has given me pain.

He wants me to use it to find joy in serving others lives.

I love my life.. I love it even though sometimes it hurts.

I want to remember to always move past trails and make them seem as if they are small.

I want to be better then who I am.

So i will work on it.

Most importantly I will work on showing my love.